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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687188">Learning Curve</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweaterBanshee/pseuds/SweaterBanshee'>SweaterBanshee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotionally Repressed, Internalized Homophobia, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:55:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweaterBanshee/pseuds/SweaterBanshee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's one thing trying to figure out sex as a nervous, insecure teenager. It's another trying to figure out sex as a forty-something year old man.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Learning Curve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm back from the dead!<br/>Alternative title: The Marvelous Misadventures of Aaron Hotchner Learning How to Have Sex with a Man feat. internalized homophobia<br/>summary is trash but who cares? I don't! (that is a lie. I care deeply about every aspect of this fic. trust and believe that I agonized over every detail of this for hours)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Music plays softly from the speaker in the corner of the room as Aaron lazily swirls the scotch around in his glass. The sound of running water and the occasional clink of plates against one another from Spencer washing the dishes carries from the kitchen into the living room. Aaron had tried to help when Spencer cleared the table, only for Spencer to gently shoo him out of the room. He’d insisted on cleaning up because Aaron had done the bulk of the cooking, but Aaron knew it was because Spencer liked to have the ritual of cleaning to himself, that he liked to scrub the dishes to his satisfaction and return everything to its rightful place in the cabinets. </p><p>Aaron hears the water shut off and the cabinets close softly. It takes another minute before Spencer joins him in the living room, wine glass in hand. The couch creaks softly as Spencer sinks into a cushion and leans over to kiss Aaron’s cheek. Aaron casually wraps his arm around the younger man’s shoulders, and Spencer quickly settles into the embrace. </p><p>“That was a nice dinner,” Spencer says as he raises the glass to his lips.</p><p>“Thanks,” Aaron replies. “It’s been a while since I’ve made anything more complicated than grilled cheese.”</p><p>Spencer’s mouth curls up slightly in amusement. “I guess Jack’s palate isn’t mature enough for him to enjoy eggplant parmesan and brussels sprouts yet.”</p><p>Aaron laughs softly, turning his head to kiss Spencer’s temple. “No, I guess it isn’t.” </p><p>They sit contentedly in silence for a while, drinking occasionally from their respective glasses as the music fills the silence. It’s not an album Aaron would’ve listened to on his own, but he’s glad Spencer made the suggestion. It’s a contemporary classical album, and Spencer had spent most of dinner explaining the background of the album between mouthfuls of food, analyzing the artist’s intentions behind the album and the greater musical movement it was a part of. Aaron would be lying if he said he could follow Spencer’s every train of thought, but he was more than happy to listen to Spencer carry on, nodding slightly from time to time to show his interest. It’s one of the things about Spencer he’s really grown to adore over the last month and a half.</p><p>Ever since they became… whatever they are. Aaron thinks it’s for the best not to name it for as long as he can. Once he puts a name on it, it becomes real. Breakable. Aaron’s never been good with delicate things, God knows.</p><p>The minutes pass by slowly, and Aaron tilts his head back and lets his eyes fall shut, taking the music in fully. He doesn’t open his eyes when Spencer gently takes his empty scotch glass from his hand to place on the coffee table, or when he feels Spencer rest his cheek on his shoulder. </p><p>Eventually, the music stops. Aaron opens his eyes in the sudden silence of the room. He can feel Spencer watching him, and he hesitantly turns his head. Spencer pulls away slightly with the motion to avoid Aaron’s chin colliding with his forehead, but their faces are still barely inches from one another. Aaron is suddenly very aware of his heart beating steadily in his chest as Spencer looks back at him with his curious hazel eyes.</p><p>Spencer must feel the sudden tension in the room too, because Aaron can sense the slightest hesitation as Spencer raises a hand to gently cup the side of Aaron’s face. He watches Spencer’s eyes flutter shut as the younger man leans forward to connect their lips, and Aaron’s eyes fall shut as he welcomes the warmth of Spencer’s mouth against his own.</p><p>Maybe it’s just the scotch taking effect, but Aaron can feel warmth blooming in the pit of his stomach. Spencer’s hand is warm against his cheek, and Aaron can taste the red wine on Spencer’s tongue. He tightens the arm around Spencer’s shoulders to draw him closer, sighing softly when their mouths part for a split second.</p><p>In the months before Aaron acknowledged the unspoken thing between them, he’d spent what seemed like hours upon hours wondering what it would be like to kiss Spencer, to wrap his arms around Spencer and hold his slender frame so close he could hear Spencer’s heartbeat through his clothes. Maybe he’s being dramatic, but all the times he’d imagined moments like this don’t even come close to the real thing. Spencer’s lips are soft against his, and he moves with a confidence that other people don’t often see. The hand on Aaron’s cheek moves to the back of his neck, and Aaron doesn’t expect Spencer’s fingertips brushing the hair at the nape of his neck to make his stomach flutter.</p><p>They stay like this, sharing slow, indulgent kisses before Spencer gently pulls away. Aaron is about to remove his arm from around Spencer’s shoulders when Spencer wordlessly climbs into his lap, straddling the older man.</p><p>Aaron is at a complete loss for words, his hands resting cautiously on Spencer’s hips. </p><p>“Is this okay?” Spencer asks, smoothing his hands over Aaron’s shoulders. Aaron is suddenly very aware of how he’s half-hard in his jeans. It’s disarming, feeling so vulnerable as he stares up at a man ten years his junior. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s fine,” Aaron says, trying to ignore the way his words stumble awkwardly from his lips. Spencer doesn’t seem to notice or care. Spencer doesn’t waste any time leaning back in to kiss Aaron again, winding his arms around his shoulders. Aaron responds eagerly to the kiss, but still can’t bring himself to move his hands from Spencer’s hips.</p><p>He can’t help the way his grip tightens when Spencer rocks his hips forward. Aaron bites back a groan when he can feel Spencer’s arousal pressing against his own. Aaron feels like a teenager again, nervous and unsure.</p><p>Not to mention turned on. So, so turned on.</p><p>Spencer doesn’t break the kiss as he pulls his hands away from Aaron’s shoulders to take hold of Aaron’s wrists. He pulls gently, guiding Aaron’s hands up to his waist. Cautiously, Aaron slowly pushes one hand further up the smooth expanse of Spencer’s back. Spencer doesn’t move to stop him, sighing into the kiss as Aaron traces the ridges of Spencer’s spine through his shirt. It’s difficult to ignore the heat pooling in his gut as Spencer rocks slowly in Aaron’s lap. Spencer tenses briefly in his hold when Aaron gently nips his lower lip, and Aaron smiles into the kiss, feeling pleased with himself. </p><p>Feeling emboldened, Aaron moves his hand from Spencer’s waist down to the side of his hip, his fingertips curling around to Spencer’s ass. He desperately wants to reach back and squeeze Spencer’s ass in his hand, but a sudden hesitation freezes his hand to the spot. Unfortunately, Spencer can sense the change, and he pulls away from Aaron to sit up fully.</p><p>“What?” Spencer asks, a note of impatience in his voice. </p><p>Aaron is at a complete loss for words, parting his lips to voice his response but producing nothing. He hasn’t felt this way in decades, unsure of himself, feeling like he needs permission to enjoy Spencer straddling his lap. Spencer quietly studies his face, and Aaron can almost hear the gears turning in his head. Without breaking eye contact, Spencer reaches down to grasp Aaron’s wrist before he moves it back to cup his ass. Aaron desperately wants to revel in what he’s just been given permission to do, but tension draws his body taut and still.</p><p>“Hey,” Spencer murmurs, cupping Aaron’s face with his free hand, the grasp on his wrist loosening. “It’s okay, you don’t have to.”</p><p>Aaron takes a deep breath to steady himself. “No, no, I do. I do want to,” he says, barely able to look Spencer in the eye. “It’s- I’m just… it’s all-”</p><p>“New?” Spencer interrupts, looking down at Aaron, his expression soft. </p><p>Aaron laughs nervously, relieved that there’s at least some humor he can find in this situation. “Yeah, I guess it is,” he says, resting his hands on Spencer’s thighs. The awkwardness of the moment hands in the air as Aaron and Spencer look wordlessly at each other.</p><p>Eventually, Spencer speaks. “Listen,” he says, taking one of Aaron’s hands and holding it tenderly between his own, “I- I got impatient. I got caught up and I guess I just forget that you’re not experienced.” The average person might have hesitated just then, but Aaron knows that Spencer’s never been one to mince his words, or at least not until he realizes that he’s already offended. Aaron can’t help but laugh softly at Spencer’s blunt words, feeling his body relax slightly. </p><p>“Yeah, I think we might’ve been getting ahead of ourselves,” he says, gently rubbing Spencer’s thigh. “Probably would’ve been a good idea to talk about this before.”</p><p>“We could talk about it now,” Spencer says, and Aaron immediately looks up to meet Spencer’s gaze. </p><p>“Okay,” Aaron starts, trying to suppress his embarrassment. “Where… where do we start?”</p><p>“Well,” Spencer starts, raising a hand to brush his bangs aside. “There’s a couple things to consider. I haven’t been sexually active in about a year, and I made sure he got tested first.” At this point, Spencer’s no longer looking down at Aaron, tilting his head back in thought. “I always get tested with my yearly physicals, and I assume you haven’t been active…. since-”</p><p>“Haley?” Aaron interjects ruefully. “Yeah, no one since Haley.” Saying it out loud, it’s hard for Aaron to wrap his mind around the fact that he hasn’t had a sex life in over two years. Not that he and Haley had much of a sex life towards the end, anyways. “We were each other’s first, so we never worried about tests.”</p><p>“Okay,” Spencer says, gently smoothing his hands over Aaron’s shoulders. “Maybe we should just leave it here, for now?” Spencer continues. “There’s more to talk about, and I haven’t done anything to get ready if you wanted… to…”</p><p>“No, you’re right,” Aaron says, trying to ignore the dull ache of his arousal. “There’s a lot we haven’t talked about.” He reaches up to gently move one of Spencer’s hands from his shoulder, holding it between his own hands. “How about we just go to bed?”</p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Spencer agrees, slowly climbing out of Aaron’s lap and turning to pick the glasses up from the coffee table.</p><p>“It’s okay, I’ll get them,” Aaron murmurs, and Spencer gives a small nod before walking off to his bedroom. Once Spencer disappears into the bedroom, Aaron takes a moment to collect himself before he leans forward to pick up the empty glasses and carries them back to the kitchen. The cool water is grounding as Aaron slowly gives the glasses a rinse. It takes a moment to search through the cabinets to return them to their rightful places. His breathing has evened out completely, and he doesn’t feel the hot urge of arousal twisting in his stomach, but Aaron can’t shake the discomfort that’s settled in his chest. Not knowing what else to do, Aaron reaches to turn on the sink, letting the cold water run over his hands before bringing them to his face. He flinches slightly as the cold water hits his skin, dragging his hands down his face and onto his neck. </p><p>It’s the nerves, he tells himself. It’s perfectly normal to be nervous with a new partner. It was one thing to deal with nerves as a teenager, nervously drying his sweaty palms on his pant leg every time Haley drew close. It’s another to be a grown man not knowing what to do with his hands with Spencer ready and willing in his lap. </p><p>Aaron does his best to shake the feeling and heads to the bedroom. The lamps on Spencer’s bedside tables are lit softly, filling the room with a warm glow. Spencer must be in the bathroom, getting ready for bed in the orderly, ritualized way he likes. Aaron picks up his overnight bag from where he left it by the bedroom door, dropping it onto the bed before he begins undressing. He finishes pulling on his pajamas as Spencer re-emerges from the bathroom. Aaron moves past Spencer into the bathroom without saying a word. He takes his time washing his face and brushing his teeth, still trying to tamp down the unsettled feeling in his gut.</p><p>Spencer is already comfortable under the covers when Aaron returns, quickly skimming his fingers over the open book in his lap. Aaron’s bag isn’t where he left it by the foot of the bed.</p><p>“I, uh, put it back by the door,” Spencer mumbles, as if embarrassed. Aaron tries not to take offense. Even though they’ve known each other for years, Spencer’s still reluctant to let him in. Aaron understands; Spencer’s been this way for as long as they’ve worked together, holding people at arm’s length. It’s enough of a privilege that Spencer doesn’t fumble for an excuse as to why Aaron would be better off sleeping in his own apartment, though Aaron thinks that might be for his own sake. Ever since the first time he fell asleep in Haley’s bedroom as a teenager, he’s hated sleeping alone, and without Haley beside him over the last two years, it’s hardly a rare occurrence for Aaron to startle awake in the middle of the night. </p><p>Aaron wordlessly climbs into bed, turning onto his side to face away from Spencer. He shuts his eyes and tries to focus on falling asleep.</p><p>“You’re tired already?”</p><p>“Mmm,” Aaron mumbles in response. It’s barely been two hours since they ate dinner, but Aaron just wants to close his eyes and let sleep pull him under. Spencer doesn’t press the matter. After a while, Aaron can feel sleep pulling at the corners of his consciousness when the click of Spencer turning off his lamp pulls him back. The covers rustle softly behind him as Spencer makes himself comfortable. </p><p>Aaron tries to focus back on sleep when he feels the feather-light touch of Spencer’s hand on his back. Aaron makes a point of staying completely still, praying that Spencer doesn’t try to say something. Odds are Spencer can tell he isn’t asleep, but figures it’s better not to say anything, and Spencer pulls his hand away, the warmth quickly dissipating from Aaron’s skin.</p><p>Eventually, Aaron can hear Spencer’s breathing deepen and even out. He keeps his eyes shut, trying to will himself to sleep to no avail. Aaron tries to think of calming things, but he can’t ignore the uncomfortable gnawing sensation in his abdomen. He might mistake it for hunger if not for the way his brain can’t seem to quiet itself. </p><p>It must be at least an hour or two more by the time Aaron finally succumbs to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my writing tumblr: bansheewriting</p><p>writing this chapter was pulling teeth someone please tell me that it's not the worst thing they've ever read</p><p>(I'll probably get more into my groove when it's heavier on the smutty stuff. I know that's why you're here anyways lmao)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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